Christmas in Polkville

Merry Christmas!!! 

i didnt feel so bad

.....after i stumbled across this today

its been a month since ive written on here! geez. time is flying. 2010 is almost over. good thing, because im pretty over it. although....

the past month has been pretty great. the main events:
*Andrew arrived back in the USA and for the first time since August 2009, we are in America together. Hooray!  It has been even better than I expected having him home.
*I started a job that I will be keeping for quite some time. Part-time nanny for a great family right down the street (5 minutes on my bike exactly!) 8 month old and 2 year old. Both ADORABLE. Hours are great, except Mondays are from 7:30 am to 5:30 pm. Long day. But no complaints- it is relaxed and the whole family is very respectful and appreciative. Big change from that crazy lady that fired me for spraining my ankle!
*Still interning with the Art Therapy Institute of North Carolina. It was 3 days a week, but has been cut to 2 because of my Monday work hours. I am growing more and more attached to these kids, they are all really amazing. This is the project I am working with: CHECK IT
*Freaking out over the SNOW that came last Saturday. I had not seen snow since March of 2009, so I went completely ape-shit when I saw snow-flakes. Christmas season in the Northern Hemisphere = A MUST. So glad I'm not sweating my life out in Cape Town, though that was a wonderful experience.
*realizing its ok if i dont go to art therapy school next year, if i dont move to boston or new york. i can stay put for a second and pay my bills like a big girl.

I have also developed a celebrity crush on this guy:

Bruno Mars

Probably because my introduction to him was a music video (where this photo is from) in which he is all dressed up and pulls a piano around town. 

you can play for me any day, baby.

Soooooo Friday night and I'm here on the couch...... Tis the season for snuggling up to my furnace (the only source of heat in my house, which was built in the 30's...... which made the snow even more fun/freezing) and drinking tea and staring at the beautiful Christmas tree my roommates got while listening to jazzy piano covers of Christmas songs. I do all of this, of course, as I drool like a 14 year old girl over youtube videos of a particular Puerto-Rican/Filipino hottie who can play the piano and SANG.

Holla.

pictures of snow to come!

grad school or no grad school

.........THAT is the question of the moment.

I know I'm not alone in this dilemma. When it feels like the "real world" value of an undergradute degree dwindles daily, what options are us lowly 20-somethings left with?

Blah Blah Blah. All been said before. But now I am dealing with it personally, and it is daunting.
All it really boils down to is, you guessed it:

$$$ MONEY$$$

I would LOVE to go to Lesley University for a Masters in Expressive Therapies, but can I really justify 2 years of schooling costing $60, 000 that would take me YEARS to pay back? What about scholarships? Good luck, average white girl (I mean CAUCAAAASIAN). The most money I saw that Lesley gives out is like $3000. BAH. 

So then I started thinking...........

What if I got one of 

these

 or 

these

  and went

here 

  to   

this 

school

      after completeing a training with

them

and was able to work with women going through 

this

by using

this

which I would learn about through

this 

 program.

What if?!

That way I wouldnt have to pay for it. HOLLA. IF I were fortunte enough to recieve one of these scholarhips, it woulnt be for lke 2 years. So that's a lot of time to decide/plan/think. Feels like too much. We'll see.

ALSO- I knowwwww this is Kaitlin in America blog, so why am I talking ALREADY about traveling again?? All I've been talking about lately is how great it is to be home!! And it totally is! It's just that I know that within a year or two the travel bug that has been instilled in me will rear its beautiful/ugly head. Plus, it's just sweet lil Switzerland. Who wouldn't want to go chill there for a hot minute?

My favorite time of year

Having been gone last year, being home for fall has been sweeter than ever. 

Pumpkins, leaves, chilly weather...... and HALLOWEEN. 

I am a sentimental creature. 

I love tradition, I love holidays.

I LOVE HALLOWEEN.

And since I missed it last year, I vowed to make this year GREAT.

I SUCCEEDED.

Ladies and gentlmen, I give you Nasty Nanna: Your Drunk Grandma

Someone misses doing theater, huh? 

Back in my theater days I played a lot of old lady roles and really missed it. 

So last night was my opportunity to break out inappropriate Grandma.

I got most of my costume at Roses, which included:

44DD bra

rollers and shower cap

makeup that will be used solely for smearing

AND 

THE BEST PART:

yes, those would be $3 slippers that say "Trust in the Lord"

Bingo.

I went to Weaver St., Harris Teeter, a party, and Franklin St. completely in character. It was a blast. 

Here I am with my beautiful housemate/lobster, Elizabeth

Halloween 2010. 

YESSSSSSSSSSS

Praise.

my own thing

Over the course of the past year, I have become increasingly intent on "finding my own thing". This is due to the combination of a number of factors; graduating, realizing so much about what I don't want, and especially accompanying my love to Malawi to be a helping hand/support for his project. One of the biggest reasons I decided to come home from Malawi earlier than anticipated was to really focus on this whole project/process of "finding my own thing". Once you're home, it's supposed to be easy, right? Not exactly. While it is much easier to do..... well..... pretty much ANYTHING in the States, I think my expectations of finding my own thing in a quick, "efficient" manner (whatever that means) were too high. While I have taken big strides in finding something to call my own,  I think the pressure I was putting on myself to have a concrete answer impeded my progress.

I have been home 2 months now and the past fews weeks the honeymoon period of being home has been slowly waning. At first I was in a constant state of elation; everything I experienced was flavored with the joys and simplicities of home. While I still get those rushed from time to time (I can drink tap water!!!!!) and LOVE where I live and the people I am around, the threat of mundane routine has started creeping in. The other weekend I got my first "OH GOSH I need to GO somewhere!" feeling, something I knew was inevitably going to happen at some point. I wrote in an email to a dear friend who is currently abroad:

"its just that this whole past year was such a whirlwind and i'm used to the momentum, i guess, though it was exhausting. it feels like inertia is getting the best of me."

I feel like I have been waiting for a light-bulb moment, like a grand unveiling of "Kaitlin's Thing" that will just HAPPEN if I a) try hard enough b) wait long enough. Through this searching/waiting game,  I have been thinking a lot about the notion of owning of a thing. How can something truly own their "own thing"? For instance. Since living with Grace MacNair: Doula Extraordinaire, I have become SO interested and fascinated by the whole birth process. I have asked so many women I know about their birth experiences, watched documentaries about birth and youtube videos of homebirths, looked into doula-certification classes, etc. Yet a part of me feels like I am copying Grace, like I can't do this because it is HER thing. When I mentioned this to Grace, she of course laughed and in her infectious, enthusiastic manner said, "KAITLIN, I would be nothing but HONORED if you became a doula!!!!!! Don't be silly!!!" In fact, she has already inspired 5 of her friends to become certified doulas. Still, while I totally trust that she would not feel copied and that it really doesnt matter what other people think, there is still this nagging notion of, if I were to pursue this, it would not truly be my thing. 


So, what are the requirements/terms of condition for owning a thing? Some may say originality. But then there is the whole argument that there are no original ideas. For instance, Andrew's "thing" is this project, Stories of AIDS Through Music. While it is very original and unique in so many ways, the whole idea was undoubtedly influenced and inspired by a number of things/projects that already existed, and Andrew would be the first person to say this. So why is it so hard for me to relinquish this notion of 100% originality??

Perhaps in my mind there is a tendency to confuse influence and inspiration and ownership.

I'm aware that even this idea of no original idea is unoriginal (woah. too much).  So, in search of a conclusion, I figured that one's thing is simply a conglomeration of one's passions. While I feel I have many, here are the main ones:

movement/gymnastics/dance/the human body

piano/singing/drumming

theater

babies/children/youth

....which, when I think about it, have all arisen from the passions of other people during my upbringing. My mother inspired the movement and working with children, my grandmothers inspired the music, and my sister inspired the theater. Should this make me feel any less original? It doesn't, really. Everything comes from something else. Through being with Andrew I have become so interested in HIV/AIDS, through my friend Jackie I have become interested in the realities of development, through Grace, birth. etc. etc. etc.

 I realize I am not making any sort of grand statement here- just sorting it out in my own brain. I've written about this need to find my own thing in an entry from my previous blog, and since I have been home I've found this hard to articulate, which is precisely why I wanted to write about it.

So, where does that leave me now? As I mentioned earlier, it's been somewhat of a slow process (or at least felt like one) but I must say that I am feeling positive about it and definitely see a lot of potential in one thing in particular:

art therapy

The idea came from a friend of mine while I was in Malawi. I Googled "art therapy chapel hill" and found The Art Therapy Institute of Chapel Hill, and immediately contacted one of their employees, who I met up with as soon as I got home. Through her and many others I have been learning a lot about the field, especially intermodal art therapy, which combines dance, music, theater, and visual art. 

HELLOOOOOO DUH

This has led me to look at some different programs- mainly at Lesley University in Boston, but also App State and the European Graduate School in Switzerland. I know, I know, "but you just got home!" It wouldnt be for a while.....but it never hurts to look. This past week I started an internship with The Art Therapy Institute which involves going into public schools in the Carrboro area and doing art therapy with Burmese refugee children. I have gone twice now and I am really enjoying it! 

So, is art therapy my thing?? I think it may be to early to tell for 100% sure, but I get such a good feeling about this line of work. And finally, after much waiting and confusion and silliness in my mind, I feel like there is a genuine fire in my belly to make this happen; to make this my own thing. Which is the best feeling in the world. 

noteworthy individuals

One inspiration for starting this new blog came a few weeks ago when, in the period of 3 days, I met 4 really incredible individuals. It was one of those occasions when I thought to myself, "If I don't write this down, I am going to regret it." I met each of these people pretty randomly, but they all made such an impact on my in the brief time I knew them.

(note: some names will be changed to respect privacy)

#1) Spiro, the rambunctious Greek man with a personality the size of the Aegean Sea

I met Spiro in New York City while visiting my cousin, Allan, and his wife Tina. I had not seen my dear cousin in over a year and had not met his 1 year old son, Marko. Well, on October 2nd that all changed. Allan and I were walking around Dumbo, Brooklyn where he lives (awesome area!!) and I was chomping at the bit to go back to his apartment and meet Marko. Just as we were approaching his street, he says, "Well, there he is!" I see this rather short, rather rounded man with white hair and a jolly demeanor approaching us with a stroller. And that moment my life changed forever- I simultaneously met Spiro, Allan's father-in-law, and Marko, Allan's son. I immediately felt a part of the crowd, and was welcomed repeatedly by Spiro, who I quickly discovered has a permanent smile on his face. After returning to Allan's to hang out for a bit (and watch Spiro feed Marko..... adorable) it was time for Allan, Tina,  Spiro and I to hit the town. I thought Spiro was joking when he said he was coming. But OH MY LORD was he ever the LIFE of the party! I have never witnessed so much personality and pizzaz from someone his age. And knowledge! We would go by a building and he would like, recognize the type of wood it was made out of and tell a 10 minute story about it. Amazing. I felt like such a GRANDMA because it was 10:00 and I was getting tired- and here is Spiro, bobbing along the streets of Brooklyn, leading the pack to bar after bar until he finds the one he wants. During the midst of another crazy story about the history of everything, he orders some Patron, which he sips with class and ease. He proceeds to ask me questions about my life, harmlessly flirt with me in the sweetest non-creepy old man way, and as I get into my cab-ride home, say (in a semi-New York accent)

 "KAITLIN. HONEY. I LOVE YOU. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF"

Ladies and gentlemen. I knew this person for 3 hours, and I felt like I've known him my whole life. I told this to Allan and he knowingly smiled as if to say, "Yeah,  I felt that way too."

#2) Danny, the driven Dominican cab-driver

Remember that cab-ride I just got into from the bar with Spiro? Well, little did I know that I was hopping from one incredible person to the next. Sweet cousin Allan paid for my cab ride back to Manhattan and told the driver, Danny, to take good care of me. Which he did. I thought it was going to be just a quiet, typical ride back to the city, but as soon as I got in Danny and I started talking. More like, he started telling me about his life. On some occasions this may have bothered me. But not tonight. Danny was one of the most open, friendly, and inspiring people I have randomly met. He moved from the Dominican to NYC when he was 18 years old and knew ZERO english. He said that within a year, he could speak it. "How did you DO that???" I asked? He replied:

"You know, when you really have to learn something, you just......... do it."

So simple, yet so powerful to me! He told me how he likes hip-hop but the lyrics are too fast, so to learn English he listened to LiteRock radio (like Celine Dion stuff) because they talked slower. He has 2 children, 1 year old boy and 4 year old girl I believe, and a wife who is also Hispanic that he met in NYC. Hearing him talk about his children was so magic- it was obvious just from his words how much he adores them. As we were approaching my destination, I asked Danny what his #1 dream was. He said to own a supermarket. He doesn't really want to return to the Dominican, he says, because he loves his life here, but also misses his family. He wants to own a supermarket with his brother someday, but for now he is a taxi-driver. He got me home quickly and safely, and gave me the most genuine grin when I stepped out of the cab. Being driven around by someone so driven themselves really made me think. There must be so many people with similar stories to him, I just usually don't take the time to ask. But I am so glad that I did this time.

#3) Maria, the brilliantly bold Mexican housekeeper

So after a terrific weekend in NYC, I flew home on a Monday and had 2 hours before I started my new job (the one I just got "let go" from after I sprained my ankle). I hurried to make some breakfast, tried to look decent, and muster up some energy after 5 hours of sleep. I arrived at the house and was welcomed by the mom, kids, and Maria, the housekeeper. After an hour or so the boys took a nap, and it was just Maria and I in the living room. We asked the usual get-to-know-you questions, and things got interesting when I asked about her children. She said, "Well, I have a 22 year old, a 12 year old, a 4 year old, and a 1 year old." "Wow!" I said, because in my mind I was thinking 4 was a lot, and that was quite an age-range. No time for questions- Maria took it upon herself to explain everything. She told me all about her personal reproductive health history, including her husband's failed vasectomy, her ordeal with this form of birth control and how it made her sick, how her last 2 children were totally unexpected, what her older children think, etc. I was fascinated the whole time. As she mopped the floor she eloquently delivered this beautiful, expository monologue about her life! We talked about sex, we talked about birth, we talked about it all. I was so bummed when the boys woke up from their nap. I was really looking forward to seeing her again, but alas, I wont be going to that house anymore. But I'm sure if I see her around town, I'll have a whole other story waiting for me.

#4) Woodrow, the confident, flirtatious, mentally-handicapped boy down the street.

So, after the boys woke up from their nap and Maria and I said goodbye, it was time to take the boys to the park down the street in their neighborhood. We passed by a few lovely houses, I was getting used to my surroundings, when all of a sudden I hear, "Hey, girlfriend" from a porch. I look to see this 10 year old boy with mild Down's syndrome (I think??....) leaning against a column on his front porch, giving me the "what's up" nod.  We went into his yard and the interview began as he asked me, "Who are you? Where are you from? Do you like this tree? Do you want to see this tree?" Then the best part of this whole exchange: while demonstrating to the three of us his extensive knowledge of foliage, he interrupts himself by linking arms with me and asking:
"Hey girlfriend, you got a boyfriend?"
 "Yes, I do." I reply.

Then he drops his arm, looks at me with some SASS in his eyes, and with a cocked head says, "NAME??"

 I tried not to crack up, but ultimately failed, as he was just too cute. I told him, "Andrew!" He seemed not-so-pleased, but continued to re-link our arms and when it was time to go said, "Bye, girlfriend!!!" What a confident young man.

So there you have it- less than 76 hours and 4 unique and inspiring individuals. I felt compelled to share, as they brought so much random joy into my life. Hopefully their stories can do the same for you!

here we go again

Wow, a new post? Seems like so long ago that I was on this site, typing my last entry in

Bless the Rains!

And here I am, nearly 2 months later, so excited to be starting this new blog! I must admit, I had my reservations;  Geez, does this make me seem self-absorbed? Who cares if I write a blog? 

But then I realized how much I missed writing one, and how during my time in Africa it really provided a unique outlet/form of expression. Since I've been home there have been a number of occasions in which I said to myself, "Ahhhhh wow I want to write about this!" So, what makes blogging so different than keeping a private journal for myself? I talked about this a lot with my friend Jackie Stenson, who I met in Malawi and who keeps this AMAZING blog wherever she is:

Msafiri Muzungu

and we both came to the conclusion that public nature of a blog really forces you to articulate yourself in a way that journaling does not. In a way it's mental exercise- making something readable for an audience, however small it may be! During my time in South Africa and Malawi, knowing that what I was writing was available for the world to see was such a great work-out for my brain. And while my brain has been going through lots of crazy workouts since I've been home, I have honestly missed writing on here! 

Since I've been home I have also realized more and more how many great things there are to share in this country. Yeah, Kaitlin in Africa was full of cultural tid-bits and exotic photos, but who's to say those things don't exist here in North Carolina? That was one of the biggest lessons I learned during my time away; that you can find just as much culture and wonder in your own backyard, it's just harder to find/realize it's there.

So what will I write about? Who knows! Right now, I am in the midst of a wonderful autumn. September was simply AMAZING as I was able to connect and make new friends while reconnecting with old ones. October has been full as well so far, with a great trip to NYC, working full-time for 2 weeks, then a trip to Boston to look at a graduate school. Whilst there, I happened to sprain my ankle and because of it, lose my job I had for 2 weeks. Apparently the nanny mom thought I "understood this was a full-time position" and couldn't understand that I was unable to come to work Monday because a) I couldnt drive and b) I had to get x-rays c) I couldnt walk. So, as frustrating as that is, I am telling myself that it is a blessing in disguise because if she cant understand that, then I don't want to work for her anyways! My ankle is much better now, but my job prospects are not. So, while I maybe should be putting all of my online-time into job searching (been doing a lot of that today) I thought it was high-time to get this puppy rollin. 

So, whoever you are that is reading this, maybe no one, I hope you enjoy it. I sure do. Stay tuned!