On the afternoon of February 16th, I was just messing around on the internet and thought to search for “carrboro midwives” to see if there were any midwives in the area that I could possibly study under/do my certifying births for DONA certification with. Low and behold, Carrboro Midwifery popped up. Location? Approximately 3 minute walk from my house. And it is a home-birth practice- even better! I was hesitant at first to just waltz on over, but 2 days later I thought, “What do I possibly have to lose?” Thus, on February 18th, I took a small chance that started a string of events that found me sitting on a stranger’s bed at 4 AM, holding her feet and praising her efforts as she pushed her first child into the world.
When I walk into the office, I am greeted by the warm, enthusiastic smile of the founder of Carrboro Midwifery. It takes approximately 10 seconds to explain why I am there because I am so excited (iamdoingmydoulatrainingandwanttoattendbirthsbutiveneverseenoneiamobsessedithinkwhatyoudoisamazingdoyouknowanywomenwhowantafreedoula?)
and approximately 1 for her to reply, “YES!” She tells me of a client who is due any minute (42.5 weeks... whew!) and wants a doula but thought it was too late to get one. She asks me if I am in town this weekend and if I would be interested in attending the birth as her doula. UMM YES. She has me jot down my email and phone number and says, “Ok! I’ll ask her what she thinks and we’ll call you when she goes into labor!!” I leave about 5 minutes after walking in, feeling 8,000 times more confident and excited. I literally skip down part of the sidewalk on the way home at the thought of getting that call. I try not to get my hopes up for fear it would happen Monday when I would have to be at work and attempt to put it out of my mind for the rest of the day. Well, 10:45 PM rolls around and I am at sitting on my couch, winding down for the night and talking to Andrew on the phone when I get a call from a number I dont know. My stomach started fluttering. “This is it!!!!” I think. And lo and behold, it is. The midwife on call had just talked to the mother, who was in active labor.
“Do you still want to come?”
Half-second of panic as I realize I have never seen a live birth, never put all the doula tips I’ve been reading about into action, and basically had no idea what I was getting myself into.
“Absolutely!”
Though I feel confident in my ability to handle the situation, I realize that for the laboring woman, this may not be enough. Thus, as I pack up a little bag of food and some comfortable, loose clothing, I think to myself, “Who am I kidding. I probably shouldnt do this alone the first time I do it. I’m calling Grace.” For those who don’t know, Grace is a dear, dear friend of mine who is responsible for getting me into this whole field. She has been a certified doula for almost 4 years now and has attended hundreds of births as a doula, and has even delivered many babies by herself. I am on my way to her house as I call her. I am met with the enthusiasm I have come to expect from Grace:
“OHH MYYY GODDDDD YES!!!!!!!!!!! I’LL COME RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!”
I decide it would be best if I call to see if this would be ok with the mother; having 2 doulas instead of one. Lucky for us, the midwife on call happens to know Grace and has actually done deliveries with her before. We got the call with the mother’s consent, and off we bounded down 1-40 at midnight, the full moon guiding our way.
We arrive around 12:30, and the apartment is the picture of calm. The mother is sitting in a rocking chair, focusing deeply on her contractions. She barely notices when Grace and I enter. After a contraction, she smiles at us both and expresses her gratitude, right before she is swept under the contraction current again. The woman’s partner is busy filling up a large birth-tub in the living room, and the midwife and her assistant quietly greet us. Grace gets right to work by firmly squeezing the mother’s hips together during a contraction and encouraging her, telling her how great she is doing. I have heard Grace talk about the work she does for years, but seeing her in action was truly inspiring and made so much sense. I am tentative at first, not wanting to over-step my bounds or unnecessarily insert myself in the situation. However, after carefully observing Grace’s methods and getting a sense of the situation, I gradually start being more hands-on. Before I know it (which was about an hour later, but time doesn’t exist in LaborLand) the mother is sitting in the tub and I am the one firmly pressing into her sacrum with every contraction, my head right above hers, whispering to her how great she is doing and how strong she is. Body to body, skin to skin, heart to heart! I was finally getting the chance to practice what I have been reading about for months!!
Eventually she moves to the shower, where the midwife confirms that she will probably start pushing soon. Grace and I continue pushing her hips and sacrum and rubbing her back. Then the urge to push comes and we all make our way into the bedroom. What an amazing sight, the vulva of a woman in labor! Unlike anything I’d ever seen! The pain is getting pretty intense for her but she handles it so well; what a trooper. After trying a few positions she feels that on her back is going to be the most effective for her. My duties at this point are to keep refreshing her with cool wash cloths, taking photos and videos, and holding her legs in the air so she could relax her bottom. After just a few pushes her son was crowning, and I am totally in awe. “THAT’S THE HEAD!!!!” I think as my jaw literally drops. It only takes a few more deep pushes before the head emerges with the rest of the body. Welcome to the world, little one!!
People say birth is a beautiful thing, which I figured, but was skeptical because of all the “blood and stuff”. However, last night, all my fears of vomiting or passing out disappeared as I watched, un-phased (well, I was in a state of awe!) as all the blood and stool and placenta just poured on out. I felt nothing but amazement and deep respect. Nothing! It truly was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. We stayed for just a bit as the exhausted mother finally got to hold her little one and the father excitedly made phone calls to family members, “He’s here!!” There wasn’t too much cleaning up to do, so the midwife excused us. The mother and father thanked us, which I felt I had to thank them for letting me be a part of their experience and taking a chance on a doula-in-training! I am so grateful that Grace was there and that FINALLY, after over a year of obsessing over seeing my first birth, I drove home sensing the pending sunrise and feeling peaceful appreciation and belonging.
So, what lies ahead? Apparently Carrboro Midwifery has 3 or 4 women due in March that would want free doula services!! I highly doubt that there will be many births as peaceful as the one I attended last night, but I do feel blessed that that was my introduction into doula-hood.
Life Goal: Watch a baby being born.
CHECK!!!
